I so should not be procrastinating right now. But I've so been hitting a wall lately, several times.
Ever since the leadership assessment weekend has been over (it was three weeks ago already), I've totally crashed, productivity-wise, spiritually and socially. Not having clear structure and deadlines these past weeks have taken its toll.
But good thing for my sister coming in town tomorrow. I've accomplished more in these 3 days than I have all the past three weeks knowing she is going to be here. I also cleaned up big time in time for her visit. I was vacuuming my room and thought I'd vacuum my keyboard to clear off some of the dust. Oops. Not such a great idea. I lost my left shift key to the powerful suck of my machine.
I'm looking forward to trolling the city with her. She finally caved in and switched over to digital SLR and we are going to take some historic walks around town with a focus of taking photos. After feeling a bit of distance between us, this past week we've talked on the phone for some 6 hours or so (not all at once). Nothing quite like good phone time and talking about boys to bond :)
I was going to take the whole week off to spend with her, but I have to teach a course with Renae and Susan. It's the Basic Christian Story, one that I'm familiar with from having informally teaching it to many ESL students who have come to our church in the past.
One of the walls I'm hitting is having "dead" eyes in looking at material I am too familiar with. I really need a fresh look at the material for this Basic Christian Story course, and for the prayer course that we've been doing for 5 years now. Three years is the usual mark I lose interest and hit the wall. I'm two years beyond it in the prayer course arena now. And I'm not quite sure what to do about it.
I'm hitting a wall too with craving to really meet God. I feel like I am coming to the dinner table to spend time with him, and then when I get up to leave, I feel like I haven't really eaten at all.
I wonder if it has to do with all the spiritual house cleaning I am doing in working on my 12 Step process right now. I've unearthed some destructive roots and pains lodged deep within my heart that I need to let God dispose of that are preventing good things from growing, but I'm not sure how. On the one hand, there's a feeling of a sense of relief to come into the light on some of these things; on the other hand, it's damn uncomfortable .... exposure always brings an intial sense of squinting "ouch! it's too bright and it's hurting my eyes! Make it stop!" I think that's human nature to want to squirm away and stay in the shadows on the things we are most ashamed of.
Overall though, I know I am in a great season of life and I'm really trying to enjoy it, despite the ebbs and flows of wall-hitting.