Wednesday, October 12, 2005

quit trying so damn hard

This week I've been getting quite distracted with bringing my future business ideas to the front burner. My sister is taking a web design course and will be creating an initial website for my future company. I've been quite happily distracted at that, drafting parts of my business plan and web copy. I seem to only get things done if there is a concrete deadline attached!

As I was thinking about how cool this opportunity is to get my butt in gear on making some steps towards my card company dream, I came to realize a lesson I am slowly starting to learn.

Being the over-ambitious goal-oriented person that I am, often I am setting goals that only set me up for failure (I am terribly unrealistic in goal-setting). But this year, I see that a lot of growth in my life has simply just happened, without planning or intentional mustering up of my energy and self-effort. Sure, it is helpful to have goals to know which direction you're headed, but the actual execution of them is a different story altogether.

With the card company dream -- The Tim Botts calligraphy course fell on my lap this year totally unexpectedly, which should help with some of my future card designs. Then I am working on 3 wedding invitations this year for friends, which broadens my portfolio and gives me enough to show people what I can do. And then now my sister is starting up this website for me, which gives me a concrete deadline to build my business plan which I've been meaning to do for years.

And of course, the other major area in my life that I want to grow in is the whole being overly-independent thing. The Vietnam trip, co-mortgage on the new apartment, and having 2 very social roommates were direct answers to my prayers and desires to learn to live interdependently, yet were all things that I could not have orchestrated myself and were exactly what I needed to stretch me in this area of my life.

Both of these seem to be part of a broader theme/lesson that God is trying to teach me (as usual there is seemingly nothing coincidental in my life happenings). Self-effort and mustering up enough energy to live out my millions of good intentions will only get me so far and leave me exhausted when I tread down that path for too long.

Let's hope I can practice what I am learning to let go and not try so hard to make everything happen (and thus stress myself out unnecessarily!). This way I think I can enjoy the ride more...

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